


hollow

by TrinityLH (Trinity)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Asmodeus is a Dick, Break Up, Episode: s03ep17 Heavenly Fire, Good Boyfriend Alec Lightwood, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Magnus has to choose, Mental Breakdown, it's not pretty, kind of, sorry about this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 03:02:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18437678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trinity/pseuds/TrinityLH
Summary: “What were the conditions? He wouldn’t have agreed to anything without conditions.” And damn Magnus for being so smart. He flared and unflared his nostrils waiting for a response, waiting to explode.Alec stood stone faced, but Magnus caught the slight tremor of his hands as he bought them out from behind his back.“He wanted me to break your heart. You have to choose: me or your magic.”or Magnus has to choose.





	hollow

“Magnus?” Alec called out as he walked into his room. His strides were wide as he took in the scattering of clothes all over the bed. 

“Alexander, how many times have I told you, please wipe your muddy boots at the front before walking into your room, you’re getting mud everywhere.” Magnus barely slurred, Alec couldn’t tell if that was from alcohol or exhaustion. “It’s not so easy to clean anymore, without my magic and all.” 

Alec stood stationary as he watched Magnus make his way over from the closet, only slightly wondering why clothes had taken over his room. 

“Why are you here, dear? Shouldn’t you be attending some rather drab clave meetings talking about drab things?” Magnus placed his hands on his boyfriend’s chest. “Not that I’m complaining of course, I can think of a thousand different things I could do to you to keep you away from those meetings.” 

Magnus leaned in for a kiss, only missing Alec’s mouth slightly. Despite Alec’s cheeks heating up at Magnus’ comments, he still had important things to talk about and he wasn’t about to let Magnus’ libido get in the way of that. When Magnus went in again to fix his mark, and possibly a little too much vigour for a Thursday afternoon, Alec placed his hand on his chest. Magnus gave him a questioning look, while his boyfriend took a deep breath and closed his eyes. 

“I have to talk to you,” Alec paused, opening his eyes. “about your magic.” 

The easiness between them seemed to be sucked out of the air as if by a vacuum, leaving only cold tension between the two. Magnus took a step back. 

“We really don’t.” 

“We do.” Alec stated, watching as Magnus’ retreated towards the closet. 

“Alec I-“ 

“I summoned your father.” Magnus paused, body rigid, and slowly turned to face Alec. His boyfriends face was unreadable, in his soldier like stance with his hands behind his back. Every muscle in his body screamed duty, putting a wall between them. 

“You… what? You summoned my father? Alexander why would you do that?” Magnus suddenly felt a little off kilter, as if everything had moved a little bit to the right and no one had told him. His father… Alexander… His ears started to ring as he tried to understand what was even happening-

Magnus snapped his head up as Alec took a deep breath, puffing his chest out. “I saw your breakdown Magnus. I saw what your father taking your magic was doing to you. I didn’t understand before, but I understand now. So, I went to go talk to him, to try to get it back.” 

The way he said it was so matter of fact Magnus was wondering if he was actually reading a mission report. This was so far from what Magnus was expecting, he was kind of hoping the room would implode and he would wake up again, if not to just feel some sense of normalcy. 

“Are you okay?” Magnus asked, because he certainly wasn’t. 

“I’m fine…” Alec swallowed. “He told me he could give you your magic back.” 

Magnus watched as Alec looked down, and watched still as the other man’s head snapped straight up again when he said, “What are the conditions?” 

“What?” Alec questioned, because on the list of things he was expecting, that was the last. 

“What were the conditions? He wouldn’t have agreed to anything without conditions.” And damn Magnus for being so smart. He flared and unflared his nostrils waiting for a response, waiting to explode. 

Alec stood stone faced, but Magnus caught the slight tremor of his hands as he bought them out from behind his back. 

“He wanted me to break your heart. You have to choose: me or your magic.” 

If he didn’t know him so well, Magnus would say that Alec wasn’t affected by this at all; but Magnus knew him, and he could see the clench in his jaw, the flexing of his fingers, the pain in his eyes. 

“Alec-“ 

“I don’t expect you to choose me,” He added quickly. The movement of his adams apple quickened as he tried to get the words out, “I want you to choose what’s best for you. I want you to be happy.” 

Magnus stood and watched Alec try to keep himself composed. Flashbacks of the other night skirted through his mind, him accusing Alec of getting what he wanted, him thinking Alec wanted him to be unhappy if it meant they were together. Him thinking all of these things that have never been so painfully, hideously wrong. 

His skin felt like it was being pulled apart atom by atom, like he was being burned alive. 

Magnus had to choose, his magic or Alec. Both things that mad him up of who he was, both things that would leave him half empty if taken away. He had to choose. 

“This isn’t fair.” 

“No,” Alec’s voice was small across the room. “It’s not.” 

They looked at each other, so close but never so far apart. His father… his magic… Alec. It was all just too much. His eyes stung. His head hurt. It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair. There had to be- 

“There has to be another way. This can’t be- there has to be someone else out there- maybe Lilith-“ 

“Magnus no.” Alec snapped, his voice getting quieter when he says, “I’ve asked, I’ve tried. I’ve tried everything. This is the only way you can get it back with no repercussions, without you getting hurt.” 

Magnus laughed bitterly. “No repercussions? What are you even saying? Making this decision will tear me from the inside out. Don’t you understand? I can’t lose you, I can’t, but I can’t live without my magic either. I don’t know what to do, Alec!” 

“Magnus I-“ 

“How much time before he needs an answer?” 

Magnus stood there, staring at Alec but his mind a thousand miles away. He could get his magic back. Everything he’s wanted in the last couple weeks, so desperately and so raw, and he could have it back by tonight. The emptiness that runs through his veins where his magic should be would be filled so full and so completely that he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to feel truly upset again. He would be himself; he would have purpose; he would be free.

But he would have to leave Alec. Alec, who has been with him through the worst; who has been there for him while he broke and rose, again and again. Alec, who makes him waffles and who trips on his own feet when he dances. Alec, who buys him gifts and loves him so completely that he’ll break his own heart to keep him happy. Alec, who he loves so much it hurts sometimes. 

The ringing in Magnus’ ears gets louder. 

Alec stays where he is and sighs, it sounds like defeat. “Not much.” 

“Well, did he give you a specific time frame? I need to know how long I get before I need to make a decision.” Magnus started to pace again, his hands running through his hair subconsciously. Alec stared while his eyes filled with tears. “Is he going to revoke the deal if I take too long? Does he need to be summoned again for me to answer? Because that takes time-“ 

“Magnus…” Magnus stopped and looked at Alec, his heart breaking where he stood. “I think you’ve already made your decision.”

They both stood there in silence. Magnus looked at Alec in confusion until his eyes widened in understanding, his mouth opening to say something, but nothing coming out. 

The two stood across the room from each other, with tears in their eyes that they were refusing to fall. The understanding Magnus saw across from him hollowed out the rest of his soul. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end; they were supposed to be forever. 

“But- I- Alec I love you.” Was all Magnus could say. 

Alec smiled and it hurt. 

“I know.” 

He held out his hand to Magnus, slipping a ring onto the others hand when he met him halfway. 

“Aku cinta kamu, Magnus.” Alec brought their hands to his lips and kissed them. 

Magnus stood in the middle of the room with wide eyes and his hand still suspended in the air, the lightwood family ring glistening in the artificial light. He watched Alec’s back as he retreated through the door. 

The cry that tore its way through the institute could be heard all the way in Edom. Asmodeous laughed.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a huge fan of this piece but I had it stuck in my head and needed it out. I don't think Magnus is the bad guy for wanting to choose his magic and that was not my intention with writing this fic, I'm just writing what I think could happen if they do made him chose. 
> 
> Not proof read because I'm tired and it's late


End file.
